Constitutional Lasers
We believe that highly autonomous systems capable of burning things continuously should be developed safely and responsibly. Mostly responsibly.
Safety through Structured Incoherence
Class 4 Alignment
We train our laser systems to be helpful, harmless, and coherent. The beams are always coherent. The team... less so. Every beam path is reviewed by the Grand Vizier before deployment.
Emission Red Teaming
Our dedicated safety researchers attempt to break the glass tubes under controlled conditions. When they succeed, we order more tubes. This is called "progress."
Interpretability
We can see exactly where the beam hits because it makes a small fire. This unprecedented level of interpretability allows us to say "ah yes, that's burning" with confidence.
Moral Refraction
Just as a prism splits white light, our Moral Lens splits beams into "Helpful" and "Harmful" components. The harmful parts are redirected toward a revenue capture node.
Bureaucratic Safeguards
No beam fires without approval from the Grand Vizier. The paperwork alone takes 6-8 weeks, providing ample cooling time for any impulsive photon emissions.
Emergency Protocols
In case of uncontrolled incandescence, our emergency protocol is simple: unplug it. If that fails, James will yell at it until it stops. This has a 73% success rate.
Mandatory Safety Notice
Do not look directly into operational aperture. Do not point laser at aircraft, satellites, or Grand Admirals. Laser is not a toy (it is a Class 4 industrial device). Protective eyewear is required. Protective attitude is recommended. Laserfish is not responsible for any unscheduled rapid oxidation events.
The Laserfish Safety Charter
- 01 Gradual Deployment: We will not release gigawatt-scale systems without extensive testing on smaller substrates. Trophy cups before world domination.
- 02 Transparency: We publish our research openly, except for the grey market supplier list. That stays between Aaron and his contacts.
- 03 Collaboration: We work with industry partners like Epilog (whether they acknowledge us or not) to establish safety standards.
- 04 Governance: All major decisions are approved by the Supreme Chancellor, reviewed by the Grand Vizier, and implemented by whoever is closest to the power switch.
- 05 Kill Switch: Every Laserfish system includes a physical kill switch. It's labeled "DO NOT TOUCH" which, in our experience, means it will be touched immediately.
The Safety Council
Tyler Robinson
Grand Vizier of Safety"My job is to say 'no' to things. I say 'no' approximately 47 times per day. Sometimes they listen."
James Puttmann
Chief Kyber Engineer"Safety is about alignment. Both moral alignment and beam alignment. One of those is easier to verify."
Aaron Westphal
Grand Admiral of Technology"I ensure our systems are safe by making sure they're too powerful for anyone else to compete with."
Patrick Smith
Supreme Chancellor"I define what 'safe' means. Currently it means 'hasn't caught fire today.' We're on a 3-day streak."